I finally got the chance to sit down and read this piece. Wow, Andrei, what a captivating and vulnerable story. Thanks for sharing it with me the other day!
I was nervous and eager to see what would unfold as you held those action figures. What would you do or say? How would your friend respond? I imagine that day's experience felt like grief—whether you could name it as such or not.
Thanks so much for reading and for such a thoughtful comment, Erika! I’m glad the story had you captivated.
And yes, I suppose I must’ve felt a little bit like mourning once that day was done. It certainly left a lasting impression, seeing as I remembered it so vividly all these years later.
I think most of us have an story of true friendship. In my case, is a friend that I met for the first time at school when we were four years old (now, we are 45 years old 😉) I remember those times at school very clearly and with lots of memorable moments. When I finished the school, I started high school in a different place. Our relationship changed, and in those years we hardly ever met. I really missed her in those years. After finishing High School, we started to meet again. Four years had past but our relationship was still strong. We had some good years between our twenties and thirties, and as we settled down, our relationship turned more confident. Long coffees and talks joined us even more than we were. Nowadays she lives far from me, but we try to meet whenever we can. Distance doesn't mean forget. Sometimes I miss those youth times in which all was easier and new but, in the end I love the relationship we have. I usually tell her that I see we both having lime blossom tea and talking about the old times. Thinking that, always make me smile.
" Distance doesn't mean forget." That's so beautiful and true. I also think a lot about how easy it was to find time for friends when we were children. Right now everything sort of happens in sips or drops, whereas back then it happened in rivers. Thanks for sharing and for reading and, as always, for the very thoughtful comments, Sara!
That's exactly what I felt. Though many here have cited childhood experiences similar to Andrei's, I, sadly, was thrown back to the several times where I was the one doing the "leaving behind." It sometimes haunts me, in particular a dear friend who, because he could not bear the violence of high-school football, was abandoned by me while I went through the process of (necessary) bonding with the rest of the team.
I missed this comment, for some reason. It’s cool to see this kind of story from a different perspective, and I imagine it was no less painful for you than it was for me. Thanks for weighing in!
Oh wow, Andrei, what a stunning, emotive piece. Every word, so vivid, poetic, tangible. And I feel the bittersweetness of your memories. Sweet because you shared a special bond with your friend. Bitter because of the loss.
Thanks for reading! You can see the resemblance with your piece, no? And yes, the first thing I felt when the idea for this piece came to me was acute nostalgia. Bittersweet alright...
I do, especially in tone. The bittersweetness is ever present. This also reminded me of my time in kindergarten. I had a good friend (and we sort of shared a puppy love between each other...at least I think we did lol) and we played pretend a lot together and also were adventurous on the playgrounds and among bushes and grasses. He showed me the value of being good and kind. And we were six! Wow, Andrei, this may be my most favorite piece by you!
And I loved writing it. This is the third piece I’ve written so far that qualifies, strictly speaking, as memoir. I felt a lot of things when writing it, and I’m happy with how it came out. In fact, I haven’t felt as connected to my past since writing my first ever essay, a couple of years ago. I love writing about the world of childhood. I feel like there are a LOT of things to explore in there still.
It's a striking piece. I imagine, ooof, all the feels! I agree. We learn so much from our childhood selves and experiences. And it compels others to relive their own days of innocence. There's beauty and joy in that.
I enjoyed your article. I felt the years 1954 to 1960, which were the most beautiful years in my life, as School kid. I always enjoy those days remembering them to cherish with.
Loved this! Lol, I feel I was your friend at school ... I had so many different types of friends; the cool kids, nerds, emos, Maori and Polynesians (I'm from New Zealand). I knew group x wouldn't get along with group y and vice-versa, and I often didn't know what to do. Sometimes I would think I'm a part of a nerd group, but then get told "your too cool for us"; and the next day get told "your not cool enough" from the cool kids - though it was rarely said that directly. It took basically until the end of my schooling until I met my friends for life - mates that were the same as me - who were both cool and nerdy; who loved sports and tabletop miniature games. I feel real blessed.
I’m glad you got to have such a rich experience. As for me, my friends were pretty few in the beginning, and that’s why I cherished those relationships so much. Their scarcity gave them value. Thanks for reading!
Really enjoyed this piece Andrei! My own memories of trying to be 'cool' for the big kids came flooding back. Really well written, looking forward to reading more of your work!
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment! And boy, I can’t tell you how many memories came flooding back into MY mind as I was writing this. Powerful process.
Oh Andrei, loss of childhood innocence is so poignant- count yourself lucky that you recall the exact time so vividly. I am 54 and am just now reconnecting with my version of the “other Andrei”- on our very first “reconnection”, we fell right back into our groove. This little story is special.
Thank you! So funny you stumbled into this one first. It remains my favorite thing I’ve written so far, and it definitely has a special place in my heart! Thanks for reading.
Or as Joan Didion says, “…I think we are well-advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not.”
I really loved this Andrei. The sadness of a friendship that fades is a special kind of heartbreak, in my opinion.
There was a girl I was really close with, we were like sisters and I thought "wow this is my best friend." She moved away a year later and when I went to visit her she had changed. She was this confident go-getter, popular and head of different school organisations. We were no longer the same gawky, shy kids who stuck together like bandits. I felt left behind. Sometimes I still think of her and wondered what would have happened if she had stayed behind. Would we still have remained friends? Was her blossoming into coolness inevitable?
“gawky, shy kids who stuck together like bandits”, I love this. And yeah, I can understand that “left behind” feeling. And who knows, maybe her changing was just a phase she felt she had to get through, and eventually she realized she was still a shy gawky kid and didn’t need to try to be anything different. Or maybe she’d always been cool and wanted to do all these things, but was just too shy to try. I love how complex childhood can be, and how remnants of it remain on us until we die. Thanks for sharing (and for reading!!), Natalie!
What a gorgeous essay, Andrei. I think we’ve all experienced these moments of loss of innocence--we are taught so early on that we have to hide parts of who we are to be accepted. Thank you for sharing this highly relatable memory in such lovely prose.
Thank you for reading, Sam! Yeah, you've pretty much nailed it. It's pretty sad how the need to be accepted sometimes overrides everything else, including everything that makes us, us. Definitely as adults we learn to manage this better, but as children we often don't even realize that we're doing it. Shucks.
So true! Even as an adult, I’m still working on de-programming the reflexive tendency to filter who I am and how I present myself. (I find writing helps, cheesy as that sounds.)
Beautiful. I recognize so much of what you describe in your unique friendship. I remember exactly the moment I realized I had lost my best friend to that 'same' group you mentioned. It was at a birthday party. I had gone to great extents to buy the perfect gift and even a perfect gift bag. Pretty quickly I understood that I was no longer in the circle. When I biked home I think I aged at least a year while thinking about how my childhood had ended.
What a heartbreaking story. Yeah, as kids we experience some deeply marking stuff, but we aren’t mature enough to realize what those experiences mean until much later.
I really enjoyed this Andrei! It took me back to my school days (although they were in the 80’s) and the friendships we had, and those we lost.
Such incredible memories I have, thank you for bringing those back to me through your words and personal story.
Thank you so much for reading, Rebecca!
I finally got the chance to sit down and read this piece. Wow, Andrei, what a captivating and vulnerable story. Thanks for sharing it with me the other day!
I was nervous and eager to see what would unfold as you held those action figures. What would you do or say? How would your friend respond? I imagine that day's experience felt like grief—whether you could name it as such or not.
Thanks so much for reading and for such a thoughtful comment, Erika! I’m glad the story had you captivated.
And yes, I suppose I must’ve felt a little bit like mourning once that day was done. It certainly left a lasting impression, seeing as I remembered it so vividly all these years later.
I think most of us have an story of true friendship. In my case, is a friend that I met for the first time at school when we were four years old (now, we are 45 years old 😉) I remember those times at school very clearly and with lots of memorable moments. When I finished the school, I started high school in a different place. Our relationship changed, and in those years we hardly ever met. I really missed her in those years. After finishing High School, we started to meet again. Four years had past but our relationship was still strong. We had some good years between our twenties and thirties, and as we settled down, our relationship turned more confident. Long coffees and talks joined us even more than we were. Nowadays she lives far from me, but we try to meet whenever we can. Distance doesn't mean forget. Sometimes I miss those youth times in which all was easier and new but, in the end I love the relationship we have. I usually tell her that I see we both having lime blossom tea and talking about the old times. Thinking that, always make me smile.
" Distance doesn't mean forget." That's so beautiful and true. I also think a lot about how easy it was to find time for friends when we were children. Right now everything sort of happens in sips or drops, whereas back then it happened in rivers. Thanks for sharing and for reading and, as always, for the very thoughtful comments, Sara!
Ouch, the last sentence... 😢
That's exactly what I felt. Though many here have cited childhood experiences similar to Andrei's, I, sadly, was thrown back to the several times where I was the one doing the "leaving behind." It sometimes haunts me, in particular a dear friend who, because he could not bear the violence of high-school football, was abandoned by me while I went through the process of (necessary) bonding with the rest of the team.
I missed this comment, for some reason. It’s cool to see this kind of story from a different perspective, and I imagine it was no less painful for you than it was for me. Thanks for weighing in!
🥹
Oh wow, Andrei, what a stunning, emotive piece. Every word, so vivid, poetic, tangible. And I feel the bittersweetness of your memories. Sweet because you shared a special bond with your friend. Bitter because of the loss.
Thanks for reading! You can see the resemblance with your piece, no? And yes, the first thing I felt when the idea for this piece came to me was acute nostalgia. Bittersweet alright...
I do, especially in tone. The bittersweetness is ever present. This also reminded me of my time in kindergarten. I had a good friend (and we sort of shared a puppy love between each other...at least I think we did lol) and we played pretend a lot together and also were adventurous on the playgrounds and among bushes and grasses. He showed me the value of being good and kind. And we were six! Wow, Andrei, this may be my most favorite piece by you!
And I loved writing it. This is the third piece I’ve written so far that qualifies, strictly speaking, as memoir. I felt a lot of things when writing it, and I’m happy with how it came out. In fact, I haven’t felt as connected to my past since writing my first ever essay, a couple of years ago. I love writing about the world of childhood. I feel like there are a LOT of things to explore in there still.
It's a striking piece. I imagine, ooof, all the feels! I agree. We learn so much from our childhood selves and experiences. And it compels others to relive their own days of innocence. There's beauty and joy in that.
Good Morning Dear Andrei,😊
I enjoyed your article. I felt the years 1954 to 1960, which were the most beautiful years in my life, as School kid. I always enjoy those days remembering them to cherish with.
All the best, God bless you and your family.
With my blessings,🙏
Uma
Thanks so much for reading and commenting, dear Uma! Blessings.
This is lovely, Andrei! Thanks for inviting me to read it. You write the kind of lyrical, dreamy prose that brings those memories to life.
Thanks for taking me up on the invitation!
Thanks for this lovely, heartbreaking piece and your invitation to subscribe.
Thanks for taking me up on it! I really appreciate you reading, Barbara!
This reminded me a lot of my childhood and some lost friends. Your writing is great and I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks a lot for checking it out, Rob! I’m glad you found something that spoke to you.
Loved this! Lol, I feel I was your friend at school ... I had so many different types of friends; the cool kids, nerds, emos, Maori and Polynesians (I'm from New Zealand). I knew group x wouldn't get along with group y and vice-versa, and I often didn't know what to do. Sometimes I would think I'm a part of a nerd group, but then get told "your too cool for us"; and the next day get told "your not cool enough" from the cool kids - though it was rarely said that directly. It took basically until the end of my schooling until I met my friends for life - mates that were the same as me - who were both cool and nerdy; who loved sports and tabletop miniature games. I feel real blessed.
I’m glad you got to have such a rich experience. As for me, my friends were pretty few in the beginning, and that’s why I cherished those relationships so much. Their scarcity gave them value. Thanks for reading!
Really enjoyed this piece Andrei! My own memories of trying to be 'cool' for the big kids came flooding back. Really well written, looking forward to reading more of your work!
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment! And boy, I can’t tell you how many memories came flooding back into MY mind as I was writing this. Powerful process.
Oh Andrei, loss of childhood innocence is so poignant- count yourself lucky that you recall the exact time so vividly. I am 54 and am just now reconnecting with my version of the “other Andrei”- on our very first “reconnection”, we fell right back into our groove. This little story is special.
Thank you! So funny you stumbled into this one first. It remains my favorite thing I’ve written so far, and it definitely has a special place in my heart! Thanks for reading.
I believe this: “People endowed with any kind of greatness are those who have managed to stay in touch with the soul of their childhood.” -Baudelaire.
Or as Joan Didion says, “…I think we are well-advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not.”
I really loved this Andrei. The sadness of a friendship that fades is a special kind of heartbreak, in my opinion.
There was a girl I was really close with, we were like sisters and I thought "wow this is my best friend." She moved away a year later and when I went to visit her she had changed. She was this confident go-getter, popular and head of different school organisations. We were no longer the same gawky, shy kids who stuck together like bandits. I felt left behind. Sometimes I still think of her and wondered what would have happened if she had stayed behind. Would we still have remained friends? Was her blossoming into coolness inevitable?
“gawky, shy kids who stuck together like bandits”, I love this. And yeah, I can understand that “left behind” feeling. And who knows, maybe her changing was just a phase she felt she had to get through, and eventually she realized she was still a shy gawky kid and didn’t need to try to be anything different. Or maybe she’d always been cool and wanted to do all these things, but was just too shy to try. I love how complex childhood can be, and how remnants of it remain on us until we die. Thanks for sharing (and for reading!!), Natalie!
Full-circle sensory, emotional, evocative writing, Andrei.
❤️❤️❤️
What a gorgeous essay, Andrei. I think we’ve all experienced these moments of loss of innocence--we are taught so early on that we have to hide parts of who we are to be accepted. Thank you for sharing this highly relatable memory in such lovely prose.
Thank you for reading, Sam! Yeah, you've pretty much nailed it. It's pretty sad how the need to be accepted sometimes overrides everything else, including everything that makes us, us. Definitely as adults we learn to manage this better, but as children we often don't even realize that we're doing it. Shucks.
So true! Even as an adult, I’m still working on de-programming the reflexive tendency to filter who I am and how I present myself. (I find writing helps, cheesy as that sounds.)
Beautiful. I recognize so much of what you describe in your unique friendship. I remember exactly the moment I realized I had lost my best friend to that 'same' group you mentioned. It was at a birthday party. I had gone to great extents to buy the perfect gift and even a perfect gift bag. Pretty quickly I understood that I was no longer in the circle. When I biked home I think I aged at least a year while thinking about how my childhood had ended.
What a heartbreaking story. Yeah, as kids we experience some deeply marking stuff, but we aren’t mature enough to realize what those experiences mean until much later.